How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You
How do you forgive someone who hurt you deeply, especially when they haven’t apologized or even acknowledged what they did?
Maybe someone betrayed your trust, rejected you, or caused pain that still affects your life today. You know the Bible teaches forgiveness, but every time you remember what happened, the hurt returns.
Learning how to forgive someone who hurt you doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened. It means learning to release revenge, trust God with justice, and allow the Holy Spirit to help you move forward.
My wife, Teresa, experienced this during one of the most difficult moments of our lives.
A Powerful Lesson About Forgiveness in Kenya
In 2022, Teresa and I were ministering in Kenya when robbers broke into the house where we were staying in the middle of the night.
My brother-in-law and I were violently assaulted. We were injured and needed medical treatment.
It was a traumatic experience for our family.
While we were receiving treatment, local pastors came to pray for us and encourage us.
But something was happening in Teresa’s heart that I didn’t fully understand at the time.
She had just witnessed the consequences of what these men had done to her husband and brother.
She had every reason to feel angry.
And yet, sitting there in the hospital, she made a decision.
She chose to forgive them.
She later explained that she didn’t know who these men were or whether she would ever see them again.
But rather than wishing something terrible would happen to them, she began believing that one day she might see those same men preaching the Gospel in the streets of Migori, Kenya.
Imagine that!
The very people who caused so much pain were now people she hoped would come to know Jesus Christ.
Then something remarkable happened.
Teresa described experiencing a supernatural peace that she couldn’t explain.
The circumstances hadn’t changed.
We were still injured. My brother-in-law still needed to recover.
But something had changed inside her.
Forgiveness hadn’t erased what happened. It had opened her heart to receive God’s peace in the middle of it.
What Does the Bible Say About Forgiving Someone Who Hurt You?
Ephesians 4:32 says:
“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” — KJV
You can read the surrounding passage in Ephesians 4:31–32.
Notice that forgiveness is connected to what God has already done for us through Jesus Christ.
He isn’t asking us to manufacture forgiveness through our own strength.
He wants us to extend the mercy we have received.
But that doesn’t mean the offense was acceptable, that trust must immediately be restored, or that you must remain in an unsafe situation.
Paul teaches in Romans 12:17–21 that we should not take personal revenge, but entrust judgment to God.
Forgiveness releases personal vengeance. It doesn’t eliminate accountability or the need for healthy boundaries.
Four Steps to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You
1. Be Honest With God About Your Pain
You don’t need to pretend you’re not hurting.
Tell God what happened, how you feel, and what you’re struggling with.
He already knows.
Forgiveness doesn’t begin by denying the truth. It begins by bringing that truth into His presence.
2. Make the Decision to Forgive
Forgiveness isn’t always accompanied by an immediate feeling of peace.
Sometimes it begins with a simple decision:
Lord, I choose to forgive this person. I don’t want bitterness and revenge controlling my heart.
You may need to return to that decision as painful memories resurface.
That doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
3. Ask the Holy Spirit to Help You
This is what I often call the God Factor.
We understand what the Bible instructs us to do, but sometimes we discover that our natural strength isn’t enough.
That’s when we need the help of the Holy Spirit.
Teresa didn’t simply persuade herself to think positively.
She made a choice to forgive, and she experienced God’s peace in a way she hadn’t expected.
Romans 8:26 reminds us that the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness.
You don’t have to walk through the healing process alone.
4. Release Revenge and Continue Walking With God
Forgiving someone doesn’t automatically restore the relationship.
If someone has been abusive or violent, you can forgive while maintaining boundaries, seeking protection, and pursuing appropriate accountability.
And if the hurt continues to affect your daily life, support from a trusted pastor or qualified counselor can be valuable.
As you continue walking with God, allow Him to minister to your heart.
You might also find encouragement in our article, When You Are Weak — You’re Strong.
Can You Forgive Someone Who Never Apologizes?
Yes.
Teresa didn’t know whether the men who attacked us would ever ask for forgiveness.
She couldn’t control their response.
But she could choose what happened in her own heart.
Sometimes we wait for someone to admit they were wrong before we’re willing to forgive.
An apology can be meaningful, and repentance matters when rebuilding a relationship.
But your decision to release revenge doesn’t have to remain dependent on another person’s willingness to change.
You can forgive someone without trusting them again, reconciling with them, or approving of their actions.
A Prayer for Forgiving Someone Who Hurt You
If you’ve been struggling with forgiveness, I encourage you to take a moment and pray.
Heavenly Father, You know the pain I’ve experienced and the things that have happened to me.
You know every disappointment, betrayal, and injustice.
Today, I choose to bring those things before You.
I ask You to help me forgive those who have hurt me. I release personal revenge and place justice in Your hands.
Holy Spirit, minister to the places in my heart that are still hurting. Give me wisdom, strength, and peace as I move forward.
Help me walk in Your love without abandoning the wisdom and boundaries I need.
Thank You for loving me and helping me through this.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
You Don’t Have to Walk Through This Alone
When Teresa chose to forgive, she didn’t know how much she needed the peace that followed.
That’s something I’ve never forgotten.
Sometimes we’re so focused on what someone did to us that we don’t recognize what God wants to do within us.
Whatever you’re facing today, I want to encourage you to draw closer to Jesus Christ.
At Burning Truth Africa, our mission is simple: to help believers develop an intimate relationship with Christ.
And we’d love to help you grow in that relationship through prayer.
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